Monthly Archives: February 2010

Make Me Look Thin-The Fat Lady Said

“I’m not doing that, that’s stupid.” said the woman when I asked her to put her hand near her face in a classic hand pose. “Oh go on.” I say in a slightly teasing voice. “Trust me, it only takes a second.” “Ok, but I guarantee I won’t like that one.” The hand pose is […]

Working Within The Limits of Our Equipment

I’m in the Big Box Store and it’s about thirty minutes before opening time.  A woman looks around, spots me, and heads over. “Hi, I called the 800 Number and they told me you could work me in if I showed up before you opened.  There will be about twenty of us in the picture.” […]

Channeling Krusty The Clown

“Huh huh ho!” My Assembly Line Portrait Trainer says in an amazingly accurate imitation of Krusty The Clown.  “Look over here, Timmy! Ha Ha Ha!” My Trainer straightens up from his clown posture and turns to me with a deadpan expression on his now completely serious face.  “I make that voice because children think it’s […]

It's All About Volume

“How far behind schedule are they?” A man demands as he walks in the door. “They seem to be pretty much on time.” The little old lady signing people in for us say. “Good. Than I’m next because my appoint is 6 o’clock and it’s 6 o’clock now.” The man pointedly ignores the two family […]

Tools of The Trade

“What kind of camera do you use?” The man says as he walks up to the camera and peers at it through his glasses. “A Nikon?” “Yeah, it’s a D70, a good camera.  I like it.” “What f-stop do you use?” He asks as he tried to see around the bundle of cables and covers […]

Have Camera, Will Travel

“We don’t have any rooms for under $50, but our rooms are so much nicer than those cheap motels.” The Cheery Desk Clerk tells me when I tell her my budget is $50 a night. “Would you like to see a room?” “Is it less than $50?” “No, I told you we don’t any for […]

The Assembly Line Photogragher and New Tech

“I don’t need any more pictures.” The Customer said with a wave of his hand. “I’ll just scan the free one when I get it and make my own copies.” My current Assembly Line Portrait work is done in Churches, taking portraits for Directories.   This is near perfect Assembly Line work, or at least, it […]

I'm Here To Make A Living

“That will be five hundred and fifty-five dollars.” The Passer says with a smile. “Check, Cash, or Credit?” Yes, a five hundred dollar sale does happen from time to time.  Last year the largest order one of my Passers(salespeople) had was $1600.  That’s one thousand and six hundred dollars spent at an Assembly Line Portrait […]

In The Beginning

I was a Rent-a-Cop for ten years.  These were in the days before 9/11 and Blackwater when being a Security Guard meant you needed to be able to stay awake all night-not be able to spot the next terrorist before he blew up the building. Working Security was standard issue low pay, dead end work.  […]