Monthly Archives: June 2010

Brave New World

“A monkey can do this job.” the Manager says as we chat between sits on a slow Shoot. “All you have to do is show up and follow the Manual.” “I think there’s a little more to it than that.” I say, not that fond of being compared to a monkey. “Not much more.” The […]

The FNGs of Assmebly Line Portraits

“This is easiest job I’ve ever had.” The New Passer says with an arrogant tilt to his head. “I can sell ice cubes to Eskimos, this is going to be a snap” “Really?” I say with a bit of skepticism “You’ve sold portraits before?” “No, but it’s pretty easy so far.” “Ah.” So every once […]

Getting Repeatable Results

“Anything goes.” The Regional Manager said with an expansive wave of his hands. “We are no longer going to force you to blindly follow a set of standard poses.” Silence fills the room of Assembly Line Portrait Photographers, many of whom have never done any other kind of work, none of whom are excited by […]

Photographer in The Land of The Button Pushers

“I’ve worked at about ten difference portrait companies.” I say as I trade war stories with a fellow photographer. “Done everything from School Year Book pictures, to Senior Portraits, to Big Box stores and Directories.” “I’ve been doing this about ten years.” The Other Photographer says. “But I’ve spent all ten years here.  I plan […]

Do Whatever You Like-As Long It’s Exactly What We Tell You To Do

“You need to be taking more creative portraits.” The Manager says as he looks at some of my recent sittings. “We have to go beyond what we have done in the past.” “I take portraits that I have had luck with in the past.” I say and shrug. “My sales numbers are still OK.” “It’s […]

Assembly Line Portraits Backgrounds

“Can we have the background of The Beach at Sunset?” Dad says with a laugh. “Or maybe up in the mountains somewhere?” “Nah.” I say as I change the Blue Old Masters Background to a solid black background. “I think what you really need is the one with the Bookshelves.” Most of the Assembly Line […]

Low Man on The Assembly Line Totem Pole

“Why don’t you pay your Photographers commission?” I say to the white haired owner of the Company. “I don’t understand how people can expect to be paid for work someone else does.” He says and shakes his head.  “Our Passers do a great job and they earn their sales commissions.” The next week I shot […]

The Special Needs Assembly Line Portrait

“Should we take him out of the wheelchair?” Mom says as she tilts her head toward her sixteen year old son who is strapped into a specialized wheelchair that swallows his bone thin, yet surprisingly strong body. “The chair is fine.” I say and smile. “Just wheel him over here and we’ll pose the rest […]

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Shoot

“We have water and soft drinks in the cooler there.” The Shoot Coordinator says and points to a large blue ice chest. “There are cookies and chips on the table there and we will be bringing you something for dinner around six.  Just tell us what you want.” “This is all very good.” I say […]

Your Pictures Suck

“I can’t sell these pictures your giving me.” The Passer says with her hands on her hips. “I don’t know about you, but I drove all this way to make money.” “Oh?” I say and give her a blank look, having hear this particular Passer bitch and moan about my images before. “What was wrong […]