Monthly Archives: July 2010


“You drove this wreck here from Texas?” The Coordinator says as he looks at my ten year old pickup truck sitting in his California parking lot. “Yeah.” I say and give the hood a loving pat. “By way of Maine.” At the moment I am doing Directory Work and spending a lot less time in […]

Paid on Comission

“When you get 60 percent of the people on the list to come in and have their portraits taken-we pay you 10 percent commission.  If you can get 90% of the people on the list to come in, we pay you 35% commission.” The Manager smiled his best used car salesman smile and winked.  “That’s […]

When Was The Last Time You Had A Portrait?

“I hate having my picture taken.” The woman says as she sits down. “When was the last time you had a portrait taken?” I say as position the camera. “About five years.” She says. “Whenever the last time we had directory was.” “Then you should be happy that you only have to suffer every five […]

That’s a Joke, Son

“What do you call a dog with no legs?” I say as I try to get the couple to smile. “Unlucky.” The man says. “Doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.” I capture an image, but it is not really all that good. I’m kind of a minimalist portrait photographer-I spent only a few minutes with […]

Money-or the Lack Thereof

“So why don’t you quit this job if you hate it so much?” One of my co-workers says after listening to me bitch and moan about how much it sucks to be an Assembly Line Portrait photographer. “And do what?” I say with a sigh. My fall back plan has always been to be a […]

Danger Will Robinson

“This light-head is broken.” My fellow Assembly Line Portrait photographer says as she pulled down a light with a burnt out bulb. “I need to replace this bulb.” “Ok.” I say as I look around in the small storeroom for a spare bulb. Before I can find one, the other Photographer grabs the burnt out […]

Stealing Food From My Mouth

“Please stop that.” I say to the teenage girl standing behind me with her cellphone held up to snap a picture. “Why?” she says, honestly confused that I don’t want her to take photos of her parents after I have posed and positioned them. “Do you eat candy out of bins before you weight it?” […]

In The Beginning II

“Did you need special training to become a photographer?”  The Little Girl says as I set up the shot of her family. “Nah, I just found an ad that said No Experience Necessary and I thought, Hey, I got no experience.” I smile as I give my usual answer. “I’d like to be a photographer […]

The Size of Their Toys

“What kind of a camera is that?” The Man says as he squints to read around the cowling that surrounds my camera. “An Olympus-something or another.” I say as I adjust the lights. “It’s a five megapixel digital camera.” “That’s kind of small these days, isn’t it?” “Well, we’re not using these images to cover […]