Category Archives: Children

Giving Directions and Taking My Time

“You’re not taking enough time with these people.” The Passer says as she looks at the stack of three tickets waiting for her to pick up. “They’re all Singles.” I say and shrug. “What am I am supposed to do with them?” “Take more time.” She says as she snatches up a ticket and storms […]

Hanging Out At The Mall

“Have you looked at their website?” I say to the Passer as I hand her one of their flyers. “It’s a lot slicker than The Company’s.” “Yeah, I know.” She says as she looks at the sample images on the flyer. “I spend over four hundred dollars on their pictures the last time I took […]

Playing With The Exposure

“That pictures’ kind of washed out, isn’t it?” says a young Dad as he looks at the High Key Portraits of his family. “Here, let me darken a little for you.” The Passer says as she applies a black vignette around the image. “Is that better?” “Yeah, I like that.” The problem with trying out […]

Zen and The Assembly Line Portrait

“Wow, that was a good shot.” Dad says as I capture his two year old daughter smiling and clapping her hands. “She’s a cute kiddo.” I say and smile. I read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance several years ago and I really liked it.  Might have something to do with my own mild […]

When Was The Last Time You Had A Portrait?

“I hate having my picture taken.” The woman says as she sits down. “When was the last time you had a portrait taken?” I say as position the camera. “About five years.” She says. “Whenever the last time we had directory was.” “Then you should be happy that you only have to suffer every five […]

That’s a Joke, Son

“What do you call a dog with no legs?” I say as I try to get the couple to smile. “Unlucky.” The man says. “Doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.” I capture an image, but it is not really all that good. I’m kind of a minimalist portrait photographer-I spent only a few minutes with […]

Danger Will Robinson

“This light-head is broken.” My fellow Assembly Line Portrait photographer says as she pulled down a light with a burnt out bulb. “I need to replace this bulb.” “Ok.” I say as I look around in the small storeroom for a spare bulb. Before I can find one, the other Photographer grabs the burnt out […]

Stealing Food From My Mouth

“Please stop that.” I say to the teenage girl standing behind me with her cellphone held up to snap a picture. “Why?” she says, honestly confused that I don’t want her to take photos of her parents after I have posed and positioned them. “Do you eat candy out of bins before you weight it?” […]

In The Beginning II

“Did you need special training to become a photographer?”  The Little Girl says as I set up the shot of her family. “Nah, I just found an ad that said No Experience Necessary and I thought, Hey, I got no experience.” I smile as I give my usual answer. “I’d like to be a photographer […]

Assembly Line Portraits Backgrounds

“Can we have the background of The Beach at Sunset?” Dad says with a laugh. “Or maybe up in the mountains somewhere?” “Nah.” I say as I change the Blue Old Masters Background to a solid black background. “I think what you really need is the one with the Bookshelves.” Most of the Assembly Line […]