Category Archives: Customer Stories

Danger Will Robinson

“This light-head is broken.” My fellow Assembly Line Portrait photographer says as she pulled down a light with a burnt out bulb. “I need to replace this bulb.” “Ok.” I say as I look around in the small storeroom for a spare bulb. Before I can find one, the other Photographer grabs the burnt out […]

Stealing Food From My Mouth

“Please stop that.” I say to the teenage girl standing behind me with her cellphone held up to snap a picture. “Why?” she says, honestly confused that I don’t want her to take photos of her parents after I have posed and positioned them. “Do you eat candy out of bins before you weight it?” […]

Getting Repeatable Results

“Anything goes.” The Regional Manager said with an expansive wave of his hands. “We are no longer going to force you to blindly follow a set of standard poses.” Silence fills the room of Assembly Line Portrait Photographers, many of whom have never done any other kind of work, none of whom are excited by […]

The Special Needs Assembly Line Portrait

“Should we take him out of the wheelchair?” Mom says as she tilts her head toward her sixteen year old son who is strapped into a specialized wheelchair that swallows his bone thin, yet surprisingly strong body. “The chair is fine.” I say and smile. “Just wheel him over here and we’ll pose the rest […]

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Shoot

“We have water and soft drinks in the cooler there.” The Shoot Coordinator says and points to a large blue ice chest. “There are cookies and chips on the table there and we will be bringing you something for dinner around six.  Just tell us what you want.” “This is all very good.” I say […]

Your Pictures Suck

“I can’t sell these pictures your giving me.” The Passer says with her hands on her hips. “I don’t know about you, but I drove all this way to make money.” “Oh?” I say and give her a blank look, having hear this particular Passer bitch and moan about my images before. “What was wrong […]

I Don’t Take Compliments Well

“These are the best portraits I have ever seen.” The Dad said in stunned amazement. “Thanks.” I say and smile awkwardly “No. Really.  These are just great.” “Hey-with Talent like you-it’s easy.” I think to myself, Yes-maybe I should think about making a career out of this. I was at a Shoot recently where the […]

Pet Portraits

“Can you put the dogs on the table?” I say to the little old lady who looks like The Queen with her Corgis. “No, they might fall.” She says. “They’ll just sit on the floor by my feet.” “They won’t be in the Book that way.” I say. “They are my children, I want them […]

You Meet The Most Interesting People

“I played the violin for a while,” I say as I adjust the glossy student violin on the little girl’s knee. “But I was a poor kid and couldn’t afford Private Lessons, so I gave up pretty quickly.” “I didn’t have Private Lessons.” Says the Public School Music Teacher. “And I am an accomplished Violinist.” […]

Shut Up and Smile

“So. Are you from around here?” I say as I adjusted the background. “No.  I used to live up North.” The Man says and takes a deep breath. “We’ve lived here for about twenty years though.  We live just down the road.  That house with the big pecan tree in the front yard.  I planted […]