Category Archives: Directory Stories

Why Do People Buy Portraits?

“You’re not just a photographer anymore.” The Boss says in a shape up or ship out tone. “You have to improve your sales average.” “I’ll do what I can.” I say with a nervous laugh. When I learned to take portraits, I was trained to run the Subjects through the Studio as quickly as possible […]

You’ve Been Living in a Dream World, Neo

“The rumor is that The New Company is going to fire everyone at The Plant.” I say to my Supervisor in our ongoing talk about the New World Order of Assembly Line Portraits. “Well, I don’t believe that.” He says with a snort. “Why would they buy all this stuff if they weren’t planning on […]

It’s a Business, Sort of

“Damn I want this day to be over.” The Passer says as he looks at his phone to check the time. “These people are driving me crazy.” “Yeah.” I say and shake my head. “They’re a lot of sweethearts here.” “I’ve had so many people go through the whole process of picking out their favorites, […]

No News is Good News, Mostly

“Kind worried about things.” I say to the Passer. “What if everything changes?” “Or.” The Passer says as she looks at the crappy sales total for the week. “What if they stay the same?” As my one or two loyal reader know, there are just one or two things I would like to see changed […]

Real Men Don’t Smile For Portraits

“Tilt your head to the left, Sir.” I say for the second or third time.  The man turns his head fractionally to the left. “OK.” I say and smile as I capture an image of the unsmiling man. “That’s good.” Just as some women are afraid of lifting weights because they think five minutes of […]

I Just Don’t Think I Can Handle That Kind of Rejection

“I’m going to tell you right now that I’m not buying anything.” The Single Woman says as The Passer leads her back to the Sales Room. “I won’t hold it against you if you change your mind.” The Passer says and smile. “So, how many kids do you have?” “I have three children.” The woman […]

I Worked With Karsh ~He Says

“And Ansel Adams, and I spent a bit of time with Avedon before he took himself so seriously.” The bald and slightly round Assembly Line Portrait Photographer says as he fiddles with the shutter of a Hasselblad. “Really?” I say, not believing a word of it. “Yes, really.” He says and gives me a level […]

The Naked Truth

“Any photograph can be improved if you just add a naked woman to it.”  The slightly eccentric Assembly Line Portrait Photographer says. “A car, a cityscape, anything will look better with a naked woman added.” “Hmm.” I say as I try to think of something clever to say.  Not too far away one of the […]

The Room is Too Small

“The PreSeller said this room would be fine.” The Coordinator says as she shows me a room that is little more than a broom closet. “I’m sure he did.” I say as I size up the tiny room with it’s built in cabinets and  low hanging florescent lights. “But I won’t be able to use […]

I Like Backgrounds

“You know, you could take all the portraits shot in the district in the last six months and throw them on the floor.” I say as I look at some of my portraits over The Passer’s shoulder. “And I wouldn’t be able to pick mine out.  We all do the same poses.” “Look at that […]