Category Archives: The Company

Spam and Marketing

“We need to get emails from everyone that we take a portrait of.” The Manager says.  “We need to be able to remind our Nonbuyers that we still have copies of their pictures for sale.” “I get people complaining about spam from The Company.”  One of the Assembly Line Portrait Photographers says.  “What do I […]

And I Should Care, Why?

“We want all of our customers to feel special.” The Manager says in her stage voice.  “That way they will buy more.” I’m reminded of the old joke about the success to sales being Sincerity-once you can fake that, you’ve got it made. I’ve been taking portraits of old people for the better part of […]

What’s Worse Than Quarterly Meetings? Weekly Meetings

“You had a pretty good week last week.” The Manager says and nods in my direction.  “Why don’t you tell us what you did so we can all do better this week.” “I took a variety of poses, used a variety of props, and got a variety of expressions.” I say and smile at the […]

You Have A Bad Attitude

“You need to change your attitude.”  My Manager says.  “You’re not one of my better photographers and I’m not going to be working you.” After almost 17 years of taking Assembly Line Portraits it seems that the end is finally close at hand.  I still enjoy taking portraits and I’m still good at it.  My […]

Too Much Time On My Hands

“So what can I expect over the next month or so?” The New Assembly Line Photographer says as we work a shot in late November. “You might work the first week of December.” I say and shrug.  “Then you won’t go back to work until sometime in January, maybe sometime in February.” “I can’t go […]

It’s a Different World

“If you take the same kind of photo that the Subject can take at home.” The Manager said in her evangelist voice.  “Then you are limiting you sales potentials.  You need to be creative.” This comment was met with silence all around. Over the past 16, going on 17, years I have heard this speech […]

Go Slow, Brother, Go Slow

“Why do you stay at this job you know will never get any better?” The former Passer says, tired of listening to me whine about my job.  “You’ve got talent, go out and do something else.” “Talent will only go so far.” I say and sigh. Unions are not as big a deal as they […]

Ten Bucks Is Ten Bucks

“Well, what do you think?” The Passer says as we reach the end of another slow day. “Do you think it’s going to get any better?” “No.” I say and shrug. “I think all of us would be doing something else, if there was anything else to do.” The New Company wants all of us […]

It’s A Major Award. . .

How many photographers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 100.  1 to screw in the light bulb and 99 to stand around and say: “I could have done that.” “It’s my honor to give you this Certificate that states you are a Superior  Photographer for The Company.” The Regional Manager says and […]

Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Ass

“I hear another one of our photographers quit.” I say to my Supervisor during one of the slow points in the day. “Yeah.” The Supervisor says and shakes his head.  “He’s gone.  I had to go and pick up his studio and he wanted to talk with me, but I had nothing to say to […]