Assembly Line | Assembly Line Portraits

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Is It Real?

“I like my pictures to look exactly like the real scene I was looking at.” The Assembly Line Portrait Photographer says as she shows me a picture on her laptop of an alligator. “I don’t like using Photoshop.” “So you mean this alligator was really 13 inches wide and a few millimeters thick and lived …

May 4, 2012 – 3:01 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Equipment, lighting, Photography | Tagged accurate representation, alligator, ansel adams, assembly line, cliche, digital photo, electronic universe, fine art prints, finial, glass plates, heavy equipment, lair, nature photographers, nature shots, odd idea, photographic efforts, portrait photographer, sacred artifact, trimming trees, uproar | Comments (0)

I Do Know Everything, I Just Don’t Know That

“Your telling me you know how you’re going to pose a group of four when they walk in the door?” My fellow Assembly Line Portrait Photographer says in disbelief. “You use the same pose every time?” “Pretty much so.” I say. The Button Pusher part of the New Company Training was dead easy. So easy …

May 3, 2012 – 8:25 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Equipment, lighting, The Company | Tagged assembly line, bullshitting, button pusher, digital cameras, disbelief, famous people, fine art, monster, photographers, photographic expression, photography equipment, pinnacle, portrait photographer, portrait studio, portraits, roll film camera, several times, specialized equipment, studio photography, worlds of sports | Comments (0)

Training, ReTraining, and ReReTraining

“We had some Passers in a meeting that said flatly they would never become Photographers.” The sort of, but not really anymore, Boss says. “They said they knew it might limit their work potential. Well, duh.” “Yeah, I figure they have about a month left.” I say and shrug. Still hanging in there with The …

May 2, 2012 – 11:28 am | By The Photographer | Posted in Equipment, Money, The Company | Tagged assembly line, boss, cameras, cell phones, digital camera, dragging my feet, fact of the matter, free images, greatest thing since sliced bread, photographers, portraits, sol, twenty years | Comments (0)

The Days Wind Down To A Precious Few

“Aren’t you going to tear down the Studio for me?” My former Manager says as I wrap up shooting the last sitting I will ever shoot in the Big Box Store. “Why should I?” I say and shrug. But then take a deep breath and go through the fairly simple process of taking down the …

March 1, 2012 – 6:02 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged assembly line, carrying case, concrete floor, couple of minutes, crooks, deep breath, Directory Work, first job, no regrets, odds and ends, portrait studio, screamers, second job, store promotions, strongest suit, zii | Comments (2)

You’ve Been Living in a Dream World, Neo

“The rumor is that The New Company is going to fire everyone at The Plant.” I say to my Supervisor in our ongoing talk about the New World Order of Assembly Line Portraits. “Well, I don’t believe that.” He says with a snort. “Why would they buy all this stuff if they weren’t planning on …

February 1, 2012 – 9:15 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Stories, The Company | Tagged assembly line, castaways, curmudgeons, deadweight, direct publishing, directory company, directory division, douglas adams, dream world, fly, good time, matter of time, new world order, portraits, roman empire, self publishing, snort, stepchildren, success story, supervisor | Comments (2)

Too Good for The Likes of Us

“I just got the Company newsletter.” I say to my Supervisor. “Don’t you think it’s kind of funny that the Company’s Chairman is too good to have his portrait taken by a Company photographer?” “Yup.” He says with a sage nod. “It’s one of those things that makes you go hmmm.” The New Company sends …

December 30, 2011 – 6:50 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Photography, The Company | Tagged assembly line, company chairman, company newsletter, company photographer, ferrari, ford motor, ford motor company, glace, good folks, little bits, luxury cars, negative space, nice photos, nod, parishioners, portrait photographer, portraits, pose, professional portrait studio, propaganda | Comments (0)

I Love Your Pictures

“That was a great portrait.” The Passer says. “Your lighting is magic.” “Thanks.” I say, thinking she is just one more Passer who has been told to flatter the Photographer. “No, I really mean it.” She says. “Your pictures are beautiful.” Over the past 16 years or so I have learned how to see the …

December 11, 2011 – 4:03 am | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Work, lighting, Photography | Tagged assembly line, character studies, colorful backgrounds, correct position, couples, gels, harsh lighting, images, light modifiers, matter of taste, models, odds and ends, photographer, planet earth, portrait techniques, portraits, pose, pretty girl, two shots, unwilling subjects | Comments (0)

Stepping Back From The Ledge

“For now, everything remains the same.” My Manager says with a sigh of relief. “Yeah, when they bought us out it all stayed the same for about a year.” One of the Assembly Line Portrait Photographers at the meeting says. “Then we were all just employees of the New Company one day and the Old …

November 24, 2011 – 4:21 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Work, Money, The Company | Tagged assembly line, brave new world, couple of days, food wars, hamburgers, hookups, living in a dream, living in a dream world, local businesses, nikes, portrait photographers, prepared foods, sci fi, sigh of relief, soda pop, taco bell, thrilling days of yesteryear, timers, wal mart, year one | Comments (0)

We All Leave Together

“I can’t believe you left me alone last night.” The Passer says when he arrives at the Shoot. “I thought you were joking when you said ‘See ya tomorrow.’” “Really.” I say as I look at the 6 foot 5 inch tall Passer who has the build of an offensive lineman. “I see you made …

September 30, 2011 – 4:55 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Work, The Company, Travel | Tagged 6 foot 5, aliens, assembly line, bad neighborhood, crime group, darkness, grown man, half hour, half years, mugger, offensive lineman, old timers, photographers, portraits, pout, scary side, tad, urban area, violent crime | Comments (2)

Your Appointment is When?

“Where here to have our portraits taken.” The Woman says in a sing song voice as I am putting the last piece of equipment into the back of my van. “Sorry.” I say. “As you can see, we’re done for the day.” “My appointment was at 8:00 and it’s 7:45 now.” The Woman says. “Your …

August 17, 2011 – 2:43 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Customer Stories, Directory Work | Tagged appointment time, assembly line, bare minimum, cart, computer one, crap, dumbfuck, fifteen minutes, Money, office books, own accord, photographer, portrait photography, portraits, sing song, ups, ups and downs | Comments (2)