Assembly Line | Assembly Line Portraits

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You’ve Been Living in a Dream World, Neo

“The rumor is that The New Company is going to fire everyone at The Plant.” I say to my Supervisor in our ongoing talk about the New World Order of Assembly Line Portraits. “Well, I don’t believe that.” He says with a snort. “Why would they buy all this stuff if they weren’t planning on …

February 1, 2012 – 9:15 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Stories, The Company | Tagged assembly line, castaways, curmudgeons, deadweight, direct publishing, directory company, directory division, douglas adams, dream world, fly, good time, matter of time, new world order, portraits, roman empire, self publishing, snort, stepchildren, success story, supervisor | Comments (2)

Too Good for The Likes of Us

“I just got the Company newsletter.” I say to my Supervisor. “Don’t you think it’s kind of funny that the Company’s Chairman is too good to have his portrait taken by a Company photographer?” “Yup.” He says with a sage nod. “It’s one of those things that makes you go hmmm.” The New Company sends …

December 30, 2011 – 6:50 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Photography, The Company | Tagged assembly line, company chairman, company newsletter, company photographer, ferrari, ford motor, ford motor company, glace, good folks, little bits, luxury cars, negative space, nice photos, nod, parishioners, portrait photographer, portraits, pose, professional portrait studio, propaganda | Comments (0)

I Love Your Pictures

“That was a great portrait.” The Passer says. “Your lighting is magic.” “Thanks.” I say, thinking she is just one more Passer who has been told to flatter the Photographer. “No, I really mean it.” She says. “Your pictures are beautiful.” Over the past 16 years or so I have learned how to see the …

December 11, 2011 – 4:03 am | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Work, lighting, Photography | Tagged assembly line, character studies, colorful backgrounds, correct position, couples, gels, harsh lighting, images, light modifiers, matter of taste, models, odds and ends, photographer, planet earth, portrait techniques, portraits, pose, pretty girl, two shots, unwilling subjects | Comments (0)

Stepping Back From The Ledge

“For now, everything remains the same.” My Manager says with a sigh of relief. “Yeah, when they bought us out it all stayed the same for about a year.” One of the Assembly Line Portrait Photographers at the meeting says. “Then we were all just employees of the New Company one day and the Old …

November 24, 2011 – 4:21 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Work, Money, The Company | Tagged assembly line, brave new world, couple of days, food wars, hamburgers, hookups, living in a dream, living in a dream world, local businesses, nikes, portrait photographers, prepared foods, sci fi, sigh of relief, soda pop, taco bell, thrilling days of yesteryear, timers, wal mart, year one | Comments (0)

We All Leave Together

“I can’t believe you left me alone last night.” The Passer says when he arrives at the Shoot. “I thought you were joking when you said ‘See ya tomorrow.’” “Really.” I say as I look at the 6 foot 5 inch tall Passer who has the build of an offensive lineman. “I see you made …

September 30, 2011 – 4:55 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Work, The Company, Travel | Tagged 6 foot 5, aliens, assembly line, bad neighborhood, crime group, darkness, grown man, half hour, half years, mugger, offensive lineman, old timers, photographers, portraits, pout, scary side, tad, urban area, violent crime | Comments (2)

Your Appointment is When?

“Where here to have our portraits taken.” The Woman says in a sing song voice as I am putting the last piece of equipment into the back of my van. “Sorry.” I say. “As you can see, we’re done for the day.” “My appointment was at 8:00 and it’s 7:45 now.” The Woman says. “Your …

August 17, 2011 – 2:43 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Customer Stories, Directory Work | Tagged appointment time, assembly line, bare minimum, cart, computer one, crap, dumbfuck, fifteen minutes, Money, office books, own accord, photographer, portrait photography, portraits, sing song, ups, ups and downs | Comments (2)

Giving Directions and Taking My Time

“You’re not taking enough time with these people.” The Passer says as she looks at the stack of three tickets waiting for her to pick up. “They’re all Singles.” I say and shrug. “What am I am supposed to do with them?” “Take more time.” She says as she snatches up a ticket and storms …

July 3, 2011 – 3:26 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Children, Customer Stories, Photography | Tagged assembly line, choices, concentration, couples singles, five shots, friends and family, images, living room, portrait photographer, portraits, props, second nature, squeeze, stack, storms, wham | Comments (0)

I Just Don’t Think I Can Handle That Kind of Rejection

“I’m going to tell you right now that I’m not buying anything.” The Single Woman says as The Passer leads her back to the Sales Room. “I won’t hold it against you if you change your mind.” The Passer says and smile. “So, how many kids do you have?” “I have three children.” The woman …

July 1, 2011 – 8:51 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Big Box Stories, Directory Stories | Tagged assembly line, bugs, department stores, masters, Money, natural flow, photographer, photographers, portrait studios, portraits, reading a book, rhythm, salesperson, second person, single woman, those were the good old days, two tables | Comments (0)

Old Dogs and New

“You need to turn her a little more to the left.” I say in a stage whisper to my Trainee. “Oh. Uh, rotate to the left a little more.” The Trainee says and watches the woman rotate her body. “That’s good.” “The angle’s good.” I say. “Take the exposure.” Flash! The Trainee trips the camera …

June 29, 2011 – 2:22 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Directory Work, Photography | Tagged assembly line, dreams, expression, hard time, hottie, job, last time, lulls, matter of time, photographers, portfolio shots, portrait photographer, portraits, pretty young thing, props, spain, stage whisper, time of her life, winning the lotto, young man | Comments (0)

At Last I Can Start Suffering and Write That Symphony

“I don’t have a Shoot for next week.” I say to the Supervisor who has sat around watching me take portraits for a couple of hours. “We’ve got about 17 photographers without a Shoot next week.” He says with a small shrug. “And The Company still doesn’t think we need to change the way we …

June 26, 2011 – 2:53 pm | By The Photographer | Posted in Money, The Company, Time Off | Tagged amusement park, antiques dealer, assembly line, ebay, flea market, hassle, job listing, jobs, lottery, monster, photographers, portrait photographer, portraits, resignation, shrug, supervisor, unemployment benefits, usual suspects, zero results | Comments (0)