Tag Archives: baby pictures

The Naked Truth

“Any photograph can be improved if you just add a naked woman to it.”  The slightly eccentric Assembly Line Portrait Photographer says. “A car, a cityscape, anything will look better with a naked woman added.” “Hmm.” I say as I try to think of something clever to say.  Not too far away one of the […]

If It’s Good Enough for David LaChapelle

“Hey guys, I found some great new videos.” The Boss says with his best telemarketer’s smile. “I think everyone here should buy one.” “If it’s that great.” I say. “Why don’t you buy it for us?” “These videos are for your benefit.” He says and nods sagely. “Don’t you want to improve as a photographer?” […]

When Was The Last Time You Had A Portrait?

“I hate having my picture taken.” The woman says as she sits down. “When was the last time you had a portrait taken?” I say as position the camera. “About five years.” She says. “Whenever the last time we had directory was.” “Then you should be happy that you only have to suffer every five […]

That’s a Joke, Son

“What do you call a dog with no legs?” I say as I try to get the couple to smile. “Unlucky.” The man says. “Doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.” I capture an image, but it is not really all that good. I’m kind of a minimalist portrait photographer-I spent only a few minutes with […]

Money-or the Lack Thereof

“So why don’t you quit this job if you hate it so much?” One of my co-workers says after listening to me bitch and moan about how much it sucks to be an Assembly Line Portrait photographer. “And do what?” I say with a sigh. My fall back plan has always been to be a […]

Danger Will Robinson

“This light-head is broken.” My fellow Assembly Line Portrait photographer says as she pulled down a light with a burnt out bulb. “I need to replace this bulb.” “Ok.” I say as I look around in the small storeroom for a spare bulb. Before I can find one, the other Photographer grabs the burnt out […]

In The Beginning II

“Did you need special training to become a photographer?”  The Little Girl says as I set up the shot of her family. “Nah, I just found an ad that said No Experience Necessary and I thought, Hey, I got no experience.” I smile as I give my usual answer. “I’d like to be a photographer […]

The Size of Their Toys

“What kind of a camera is that?” The Man says as he squints to read around the cowling that surrounds my camera. “An Olympus-something or another.” I say as I adjust the lights. “It’s a five megapixel digital camera.” “That’s kind of small these days, isn’t it?” “Well, we’re not using these images to cover […]

Assembly Line Portraits Backgrounds

“Can we have the background of The Beach at Sunset?” Dad says with a laugh. “Or maybe up in the mountains somewhere?” “Nah.” I say as I change the Blue Old Masters Background to a solid black background. “I think what you really need is the one with the Bookshelves.” Most of the Assembly Line […]

Tips on Assembly Line Portraits

“I want to be a Portrait Photographer when I grow up.” The smiling young woman told me as I posed her. “It’s not too late to change your mind.” I said with a smile. Portrait Photography is all about Rules-following them and knowing when to break them.  Like any other skill position, there are basics […]