I Hate This Job
“So, do you enjoy your work?” The Wife says as I bustle about arranging lights and backgrounds.
“Most of the time it’s fun.” I say and smile my genuine fake smile.
“You don’t seem too happy.” She says.
“For crying out loud.” The Husband says. “It’s his job. He’s here to work, not to have fun.”
The Photographer is seldom happy while at work, and seldom really sad either. Being an Assembly Line Portrait Photographer is a physically demanding job. There is a lot of equipment to haul in and out of Shoots. There is a lot of moving around to set the lights, change the background, make the kids smile, make the grow ups smile. I walk several miles a day to and from the Sign Up Area and back and froth in the studio. I am often tired, but this does not mean that I am unhappy.
When I first started doing Assembly Line Portraits I worked mostly alone. I tend to think of those as the Good Old Days. Each Company has it’s own idea about the perfect Shoot-One Photographer, One Photographer and One Passer, One Photographer and Two Passers, One Photographer and One Assistant. The point of all of these combos is for The Company to make the most money they can make. Any money made by The Company’s employees is purely coincidental.
Working with other people means talking to other people. And what do we talk about? How much The Company sucks, how much we hate the Shoot we are working, how much we dislike everyone else that works for The Company. On a busy Shoot we don’t have the time to talk, if we have time, then it’s a lousy Shoot. People take time buying portraits, it doesn’t take long to say NO NO NO and leave.
I’ve been working with Two Passers for the past few years, these are never the same two Passers, but they all have the same general problems. They all think the Passer they are working with is stealing the Good Sets and leaving them The Bad Sets. They all think The Photographer is feeding the Good Sets to the other Passer. Some Passers are so obsessed with this nonsense that they complain to The Company about this constant Cheating by the Other Passer. All The Photographer wants is to get the Sets Shot and make some money. Listening to Passers complain about each other is almost as annoying as Passers complaining about The Pictures.
Photographers hate it when anyone criticizes their Work. Working alone was the Best of All Possible Worlds because no one ever complained about the pictures, there was no such thing as a retake, and you had total and complete control over the poses, props, and sheets. But now everything is Digital and retakes are a common part of the Assemble Line Portrait business. It is also common to hear comments like-Everything would be fine if I had some decent pictures to sell or Oh my God that’s the worst picture I’ve ever seen! I definitely hate that part of the job.
Getting lost is a common part of the job for me, as I tend to get lost very easily. That is what I hate, driving around in circles looking for some place I can’t find and then finding that it is not where I was told it would be. But it’s not as bad as it used to be. I still get lost once in a while, like when I turn the wrong way when I exit The Shoot parking lot and drive in the wrong direction for twenty minutes. Maybe I should think about getting a GPS.
So why don’t you get another job or start your own business or something? I’ve been an Assembly Line Portrait photographer for a while now. I’ve pretty much worked my way through all of the major Assembly Line Portrait companies-there is no where left for me to go. So I am at my last Assembly Line Portrait company. Most of the Photographers that I know leave this job and go on to something else-they become truck drivers or deliver mail or hang signs-anything besides taking portraits. Which is a shame, as most of them are pretty damned good photographers-it’s just The Company that sucks.
So why not start my Own Company and do it Right? I don’t know that it can be done right. Assembly Line Portraits is a business based on making people buy something they don’t want or need or care about. Maybe it’s time to starting thinking about becoming a mailman.