The Worst Subjects are often people who are On Staff. These are Very Important People-who almost never buy portraits. These are The Minister, Secretary, Treasurer, Potentate, Grand PooBah, and others who think the world will stop turning if they look the other way. These are often people who want a perfect portrait-for The Book-and look …
“Oh, you did so good.” Mom said as she picked up her baby. “Thanks, I appreciate that.” I say, a bit proud of myself, as I am just out of Training at the Big Box Store. “Tsk, I was talking to The Baby.” If the portraits are good, it’s all because of the subject. If …
“That’s the best portrait anyone has ever taken of me!” the man says as he leads me back to the viewing room to look at his portrait. “I look great.” “You’re a good looking guy.” I say and lean down to look at the portrait, which is in fact a very good picture of the …
“We’ve got some exciting news.” The Manager says with her usual bubbly excitement. “We bought you some new props!” On the table in front of me is a pile of four foot long plastic crayons, a regular box of crayons, and some white paper. The large crayons are in random colors. “Nice.” I say with …
“You can see it from the Fire Station.” The Host says when I ask him for directions over the phone. “You can’t miss it.” Once we found the Fire Station, which was on top of a high hill overlooking most of the state, we found that we could in fact see just about every building …
“So where’s a good place to eat around here?” I say while I am shooting in Lewiston, Maine. “The Olive Garden’s pretty good.” The Husband says. Everyone eats, so asking about a good place to eat is an easy way to get people talking. I found Governor‘s to be my favorite place to eat in …
“This is total bullshit!” Mom yells in the middle of the Big Box Store when I take the person who has their paperwork filled out ahead of her. “I was here first!” “Fill out your paperwork and by the time your done I’ll be ready to take your daughter’s portrait.” I say as I lead …
“It’s freezing in here!” the Little Old Lady says as she shuffles into the 75 degree room. “Can you turn up the heat?” “You won’t be here that long.” I say. “What did he say?” Her husband of fifty some odd years says in a loud voice. They are both stooped and frail and look …
“According to my calculations, I didn’t even get paid minimum wage for the last two weeks.” I say to my Area Manager. “You aren’t paid by minimum wage, you’re paid on Salary. And besides, driving time and setting up and tearing down don’t count anyway. Only the time the Studio is open counts as work.” …
“This is a Camera” The District Manager pointed as he walked around the sample studio. “This is a background. The Subject sits between The Camera and The Background.” Assemble Line Portrait companies, like all corporations, love meetings. They love to bring out New Ideas. They love to talk about Teams and Synergy and Customer Service. …