That Dream Job

The slow times of the year are good times to look at what other jobs are out there.  Everyone I work with talks with longing about the good old days of two or three years ago and how they need to find something else to do.  Many of my fellow Assembly Line Portrait workers have other skills to fall back on and many are retired from some other profession to start with.  The reason we all think about doing something else is that we got used to making a certain amount of money, and it really sucks when that money is taken away.

I am hoping that I will leave the regular rat race and become self-employed, or a small business owner, or something like that. In the mean time, I keep reading the want ads. I still want to be a Portrait Photographer, and I am  still just a working stiff on the front lines at a big, heartless Company that makes Church Directories.  I have a dream job, that I will work somewhere where people come in and actually want to have their pictures taken. Like maybe at a successful, upscale studio somewhere.

There was a time that I found ads like this. (Ad edited by deleting the location of the studio.)

Successful upscale portrait photography studio is seeking a full time Photographer to add to our team of motivated creative professionals. This position will work closely with the studio owner to produce portraits and products of the highest quality. This is not a beginner position. Must possess the following skills experience and knowledge: Digital photography workflow, Photoshop CS, raw file processing, ability to see and adjust color, posing and lighting high school seniors families and children, lab ordering software, strong writing and organization skills. Strong interpersonal Communication skills. Outstanding customer service. Bachelor’s degree preferred.
Responsibilities
Must be able to creatively photograph high school seniors, children, families learning our style of creative posing and lighting.
Must be able to expertly process raw digital images adjusting for color and expertly retouch images of people using Photoshop CS.
Must have excellent attention to detail.
Sales presentations of images to clients after portraits have been taken.
Superior customer service.
Ordering images from our lab.
Schedule and book appointments.
Organize and prepare studio for sessions
Assist owner in a variety of special projects.

We provide a competitive compensation, paid vacation, on the job training, as well as heath benefits. This is a full time year round position.

Requirements
3 to 5 years professional studio photography experience.
Excellent verbal and written communication skills.
Strong customer service skills.

The ability to produce independent and in a team environment.Equally as important as experience is a positive attitude, passion for photography, high energy level, eagerness to work with the different disciplines and an ability to get along with the variety of personalities within the organization.

Alright, this is all me, except for that whole bachelor’s degree thing, and really, what the hell is that about? Well, it is all me until they get the pay-$25k to $35k a year. I’m sorry, are they joking? This job description basically says they will be all over your ass for everything you do and you better know how to do everything in a modern studio and then they have the balls to offer this jackshit salary?

Ok, I am not trying to pick on these people. I’m sure they went to a lot of effort to paste together this ad filled with catch phrases and cliches and maybe they even think someone whose been a pro photographer for three to five years would jump at the chance to make thirty grand a year. That is if they have been a pro photographer at Wal-Mart or K-Mart or Pennys. But I am betting those people don’t get a call back.

But I haven’t seen one of those ads in a while.  Now I see more and more ads like this:

Become a Newborn Photographer!
Photograph babies, work with excited families, and earn money too!

As the nation’s leading provider of in-hospital newborn photography, opportunities for Newborn Photographer positions are available throughout the country in our contracted hospitals.
Your role in this position is more than that of a photographer and salesperson. It’s helping new parents celebrate the joyous birth of their child. As a Newborn Photographer, you’ll take the baby’s first official hospital portrait and present products and services.
You’ll love being a Newborn Photographer. We offer part-time hours, the opportunity to work in a hospital near you and incentive pay for exceptional performance.
Offers you the opportunity to grow professionally and build a long-term career with the company. Many of our Newborn Photographers develop into Team Trainers and District Managers.

Responsibilities:

• Greet Mom in her hospital room and congratulate her on the birth of her baby
• Encourage Mom and family members to have photos taken to remember this special time
• Ensure the photo session is an exciting, enjoyable event for all family members
• Assist Mom and family in deciding which photo packages, birth announcements and keepsakes to choose from
• Be responsible for gathering accurate information from Mom and sending orders for processing
• Work professionally and cooperatively with the hospital staff

I actually applied to one of these Newborn Baby Companies one time.  In addition to it being a Part Time job, it’s a part time job where you have to be available at a moments notice and then run around to several hospitals all over the place.  And the pay sucked as well.  I was amazed that other people who were applying for the job liked the sound of it.  The fact that these ads are constantly running says something about their desirability.

 

All the other ads for portrait “jobs” require you to have your own equipment and some even have the balls to demand that you have backup equipment.  Hey, Jack, if I had ten thousand dollar worth of equipment I think I would be doing something on my own.

 

So the more I look another job, the better The Company looks.  Which is kind of sad.